i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
