Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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