just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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