I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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