I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need a hoe opinion
go on
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
