she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
