don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We had sex on a dog bed..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
