You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
