you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
whose parrot is this?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize