uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
