worst night to have a conscience
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
