i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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