found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
