Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
