you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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