so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
