I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
