So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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