does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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