I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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