She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
