Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize