I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
