you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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