I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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