just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
