I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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