Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
