hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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