He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
