morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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