Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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