Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
