I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
