i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
