God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
