Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize