she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
