ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she pinky promised me she was 18
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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