Christians are straight up FREAKS
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize