Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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