I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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