Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize