party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I could fuck to npr.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
