I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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