lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
