So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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