Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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