i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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