Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
