At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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