I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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