a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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