I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
