You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
