I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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