so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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