hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
nutella sex= disaster
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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