What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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