yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
