she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
