I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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