I CAN MOONWALK!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
