I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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