I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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