alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
