that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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