just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
