this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
