fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize