If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
