call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Less talking, more tequila
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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