My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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