The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
