there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
