ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
