goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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