I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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