The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
