i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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