Dual....:-)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
