all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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