Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
