She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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