I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
