He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
