Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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