It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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