I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
