I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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