I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
