I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
