Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
