Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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