He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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