allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
