you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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