a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
