He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
