Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
