im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
