in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
