peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
