I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
