what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize