I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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