I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
